Neighbours from Hell.


EE and I are moving in together next year. These fuckers arrived today – ‘our’ new speakers.

“For the Music Suite” EE informs me.

“I’m sorry the what? The Music Suite?” It’s the first I’ve heard.

“In the new house”. EE obviously has big plans for the 3 bed terrace I’ve scoped out on Rightmove.

“The Music Suite where exactly? Hell?” One job he had – “You sort the technology out, I’ll do everything else.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t see any wires.” Like that’s the issue, with those things in the ‘Music Suite’ I won’t be able to see the friggin’ walls never mind the wires.

EE starts laughing at “your face”, it doesn’t help matters.

“The new neighbours are going to love seeing these things wheeled into the new place aren’t they?”

“Don’t worry Darling, we’ll disguise them” EE claims whilst trying to pick off the illuminous green “BADASS BASS” stickers.

A man and his new speakers is a special sight, I haven’t seen him this pleased with himself in ages.

“OK Darling”, I reply and just like that I let it go, after all, he hasn’t seen the extent of my obsession with buying ‘bargain’ clothes that I don’t need/ really even like / or fit into. It’s all about give and take – I’ll give him his ‘Music Suite’ and take half of his wardrobe.

I know what he’d say to my give and take plans, he’d say: “Darling, you can take what you like, it’s a privilege”. I know – I’m a lucky woman.

I remind myself of that fact several times whilst counting to ten and taking deep, calming breaths and watching EE set up ‘our’ new speakers for a test run. I can feel myself starting to smile.

“What’s up Darling?” EE asks, concerned that the speakers have finally pushed me over the edge into madness.

“Oh nothing Darling just enjoying the look on your face for a change”.